Hiatus

It has been about a month since my last post and I am pretty upset that it hasn't been for lack of drama. I don't know why I stopped writing, I stopped caring. Alot has gone on. I talk more with Anne, even though recently, she has been acting very juvenile and after all that has gone on, she still thinks her needs and wishes come first, but they don't. So as of right now, I am not bothering myself with her. As for Mike, it got pretty ugly. He completely stopped our friendship, so we really didn't have any sort of relationship other than we are biologically connected for the sake of our sons. Then a revelation happened. I stopped crying over him and the more Anne told me about what they talked about, the less I cared for him. He repeatedly cheated on me in Florida and here in Illinois with different girls and everytime I had a hard time believing his excuses, my gut was in fact true and they were lies... I see him as a boy that has much growing up to do and I feel sorry for him if he does not. I loved him with all of me and yeah, I contributed to our problems, but I will not nor ever be a part of the reason that he strayed away to cheat on me. That makes me look at him with complete and utter disgust. How do you always say these are things that you don't tolerate in a marriage WHILE you are doing them? Oh well, I can now be certain that we will never be together again. I must admit. I miss him, I miss the Mike that I THOUGHT I knew. I think that Michael was gone long ago and this excuse for a husband is what stayed. I can never forgive him for being less of man than he portrayed himself to be. For not stepping up and being the leader of the family. For making me feel like I had to step up, and for making me feel like I was nothing to him. I stopped letting his mood decide my happiness and it has been very good. I met Anne's friend Justin online, and he seems really nice. He is married with two kids aswell and we can talk for hours about our families and our life. It's good to make new friends and not feel so alone. Rhonda is hanging out with me but here is a fine line in that relationship because that is Michael's best friend. Michael and I had a very bad fight about a week ago and it got physical. That being said, I don't ever want to be with a man that would hit a woman. I hit back and we fought. He tried to tell me that he didn't beat me and that WE fought. I said of course, I'm not a stupid woman, if you strike me, I'm going to get you back! But he did make the first move in the fight. So after that day I have now lost all respect for Michael and I don't really care what he does in his life as long as he takes care of his boys. If he doesn't, then he doesn't need to be a part of their lives. Simple as that. So, not al is well, but it's getting there... only time can heal and tell.