Unfortunate

Betrayal...a subject no one wants to face. I have experienced it first hand and I am not built for that type of lifestyle. I can't do that to people or understand how it can be done. I don't know how you are supposed to sleep at night, knowing that at the end of the day your only goal was to make you self happy and satisfied at the expense of others. I do know that with it comes Spite and Denial and you loose yourself in yourself. Since I am rambling and you might wonder where all this came from, I will explain. I had a friend. We became close. I trusted her. I trusted her more than any woman should trust another woman. I trusted her with my husband. Big mistake! This leaves me at the point of my first post about my husband. You can let your imagination run wild, but I'm pretty sure you know where I'm headed. No I don't think there was sex involved. It was more than that. My husband explained himself...they texted, IM'd, e-mailed, spoke, and kissed. Pretty much your average high school relationship. Although my marriage was "on the way out" to my husband, I think that my friend (as my friend) should not have fueled that decision. She helped with telling me that he was no good, a bad husband, "I should kick him out", I can heal without him, etc. In that same time, she would communicate with him and she would be his ear and shoulder. How do you manipulate and lie and cheat and steal with someone that is supposed to be your friend. I knew how my husband felt from when we sat down and talked about it. He was honest. Honest for the most part. She was not. I am not only mad at her, he hurt me more than you could ever imagine, but SHE was supposed to be MY friend. She was supposed to listen to me and not run to him...how do you think she knows what he likes? How does she know about soul mates? About the bible movie? All the proof I know is only what I have caught or come across, so I can only imagine what else he thinks she wonderfully knows about him because of me. I always spoke great of him...too great. I just never thought that someone would be so about themselves that they have no compassion or moral left in them to establish that sort of relationship with someone else's husband. Especially when she is married herself. That is probably her excuse..she is unhappy and married and so is he and so I would never understand him and her spouse would never understand her. So why not ease each other's pain right? BS!! It's not right and in the end I don't think it's wort all that you loose. I can't forgive her because I don't want to fall into the same mistake again. My husband thinks that she is not as I say and he believes me only to a certain extent. Maybe my hurt is blinding me or making me take everything and blow it out of proportion, but that is what happens when you loose trust. She left me with no one. No husband, and no best friend... the funny thing is that I was asked just today, "Why do you still refer to her as your best friend"? And to be honest... I don't know why. I don't know what makes me miss her because she hurt me and humiliated me and tried to break me...without even trying too hard. I should hate her, I just can't... She is right-I am weak. But weak or not, I can't do this again. I just can't.