What if...

I don't know why I get the really eerie feeling that when all is said and done with the divorce, I will end up the way my husband is now with his "what ifs". It's not that I don't have them. Who doesn't? They help us survive when we have nothing. Give us that last push to reach a goal. I have them every day. I also wonder. I ponder. I think...is this it? Is there more? What if...? But I can honestly say with my husband. It's not that I lost who I was, or became another him... its that I was happy. Happy enough to not need the "what if" to survive. It would be nice to know, but it no longer took over my thoughts and life. If what if never happened and my life was exactly the same, I would've been happy.